Post by tequila on Oct 9, 2006 7:13:49 GMT
Ok, basically, this is where you put your jokes. If possible, make them one's you thought up, but anything that is original and funny is alright. Even a full presentation would be awesome!
I'm a bit blank right now, so I'll leave you with a Will Anderson exract:
I drink way too many cocktails. I can't help it, I get sucked in by all the fancy names promising endless amusement.
Every time I enter a bar I hear the siren song of the cocktail menu calling me towards the rocks of drinks like "Sex On A Beach" or "Long Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against A Wall" each name containing the implicit promise if you drink the cocktail later that night you will get to perform said acts.
Of course this never happens. In reality I'm probably at the Rooty Hill RSL, and the best I could possibly hope for is "Sex In A Ute" or a "Short Uncomfortable Grope Up Against The Pool Table."
This is obviously a case of misleading advertising. Forget about Telstra or the banks, I think it's time for the government to get Alan Fels out of retirement, and get the ACCC to investigate cocktail names.
It seems like every day I read in the paper Australia has a major problem with people drinking too much, well we could solve most of this by simply introducing legislation demanding cocktails are named after what really happens when you drink them.
I can guarantee you nobody would drink anywhere near as much if they had to go up to the bar and ask for a "Spew Down My Top"; "Eat A Hot Chicken Roll From 7/11" or order a whole row of "Can't Get It Up" shooters. But it's not just the names of drinks that suck me in-it's also the ads. I'm a lick, sip, sucker for a good booze ad.
I'm particularly fond of the VB ads. They are just so maledireed manly, chock-a-block with manly men doing manly things, quite often at the beach (probably Manly). Big boofy blokes with their shirts off, chopping wood and fixing cars and saying stuff like "You can get it killing an animal with your bare hands, matter of fact I've got it now!"
You never see a VB ad for men like me. A couple of metrosexuals having a drink at a trendy bar saying: "You can get it watching Buffy!" However not all alcohol ads are so fondly regarded. There have been a lot of calls recently to ban alcohol advertising at sports altogether because some people think it sends the wrong message. (Although let's face it, if that's the criteria they should also ban mobile phone sponsorship, because that's where most of the "wrong" messages have been sent from.)
Personally I don't care either way, as long as they make a firm decision. Either ban it all, or make it open slather- now that could be really fun. Don't just let the booze companies sponsor the clubs, let them name the teams too. The West Coast Eagles could become the West Coast Coolers; the cricket team in Victoria could be known as the Bitters; and don't tell me rugby league wouldn't have more universal appeal if they had a team called the North Queensland Cock-Sucking Cowboys.
Of course some people argue it doesn't matter what message you get from the media about booze it's the example you get at home that effects you the most. This is particularly true in my case as my father doesn't drink and all my life I have felt burdened with the pressure to have my share and his to make up the slack. Yes you read correctly. My dairy farmer dad Graeme in 61 years on this earth has never had a drink of alcohol. Isn't that amazing? I mean, obviously he's mad for heroin. Wacky for the smacky! We were forever finding needles in the haystack.
But all joking aside the example we give kids about the responsible use of alcohol is very important, and this is why I think the new Arnott's range of alcohol-flavoured Tim-Tams might be a bad idea.
I tried one of the new flavours the other day, and already I'm hooked. I can't stop eating them. They're amazing. The other day I broke Boonie's record by eating 52 of them on a flight between Hobart and Launceston, then I went out and stole a traffic cone and had a souvlaki. I think I have a serious problem. If it gets any worse I'm going to have to start going to meetings of ATTA (Alcoholic Tim-Tams Anonymous) and professing: "Hi,I'm Wil Anderson and I'm a Tim-Tamaholic!" But the thing that really scares me is they might not stop with alcohol flavours. Let's face it, if this range is really successful then like most companies they'll probably try to take it to the next level. And that's where the real trouble will start, because I'm not sure the world is ready for a marijuana Tim-Tam. That will be a vicious circle.
"Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... wanna watch the Matrix?"
I'm a bit blank right now, so I'll leave you with a Will Anderson exract:
I drink way too many cocktails. I can't help it, I get sucked in by all the fancy names promising endless amusement.
Every time I enter a bar I hear the siren song of the cocktail menu calling me towards the rocks of drinks like "Sex On A Beach" or "Long Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against A Wall" each name containing the implicit promise if you drink the cocktail later that night you will get to perform said acts.
Of course this never happens. In reality I'm probably at the Rooty Hill RSL, and the best I could possibly hope for is "Sex In A Ute" or a "Short Uncomfortable Grope Up Against The Pool Table."
This is obviously a case of misleading advertising. Forget about Telstra or the banks, I think it's time for the government to get Alan Fels out of retirement, and get the ACCC to investigate cocktail names.
It seems like every day I read in the paper Australia has a major problem with people drinking too much, well we could solve most of this by simply introducing legislation demanding cocktails are named after what really happens when you drink them.
I can guarantee you nobody would drink anywhere near as much if they had to go up to the bar and ask for a "Spew Down My Top"; "Eat A Hot Chicken Roll From 7/11" or order a whole row of "Can't Get It Up" shooters. But it's not just the names of drinks that suck me in-it's also the ads. I'm a lick, sip, sucker for a good booze ad.
I'm particularly fond of the VB ads. They are just so maledireed manly, chock-a-block with manly men doing manly things, quite often at the beach (probably Manly). Big boofy blokes with their shirts off, chopping wood and fixing cars and saying stuff like "You can get it killing an animal with your bare hands, matter of fact I've got it now!"
You never see a VB ad for men like me. A couple of metrosexuals having a drink at a trendy bar saying: "You can get it watching Buffy!" However not all alcohol ads are so fondly regarded. There have been a lot of calls recently to ban alcohol advertising at sports altogether because some people think it sends the wrong message. (Although let's face it, if that's the criteria they should also ban mobile phone sponsorship, because that's where most of the "wrong" messages have been sent from.)
Personally I don't care either way, as long as they make a firm decision. Either ban it all, or make it open slather- now that could be really fun. Don't just let the booze companies sponsor the clubs, let them name the teams too. The West Coast Eagles could become the West Coast Coolers; the cricket team in Victoria could be known as the Bitters; and don't tell me rugby league wouldn't have more universal appeal if they had a team called the North Queensland Cock-Sucking Cowboys.
Of course some people argue it doesn't matter what message you get from the media about booze it's the example you get at home that effects you the most. This is particularly true in my case as my father doesn't drink and all my life I have felt burdened with the pressure to have my share and his to make up the slack. Yes you read correctly. My dairy farmer dad Graeme in 61 years on this earth has never had a drink of alcohol. Isn't that amazing? I mean, obviously he's mad for heroin. Wacky for the smacky! We were forever finding needles in the haystack.
But all joking aside the example we give kids about the responsible use of alcohol is very important, and this is why I think the new Arnott's range of alcohol-flavoured Tim-Tams might be a bad idea.
I tried one of the new flavours the other day, and already I'm hooked. I can't stop eating them. They're amazing. The other day I broke Boonie's record by eating 52 of them on a flight between Hobart and Launceston, then I went out and stole a traffic cone and had a souvlaki. I think I have a serious problem. If it gets any worse I'm going to have to start going to meetings of ATTA (Alcoholic Tim-Tams Anonymous) and professing: "Hi,I'm Wil Anderson and I'm a Tim-Tamaholic!" But the thing that really scares me is they might not stop with alcohol flavours. Let's face it, if this range is really successful then like most companies they'll probably try to take it to the next level. And that's where the real trouble will start, because I'm not sure the world is ready for a marijuana Tim-Tam. That will be a vicious circle.
"Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... Hey dude, I've got the munchies, wouldn't mind a Tim-Tam... wanna watch the Matrix?"